Today is thanksgiving. I do have much to be thankful for.

Dinner last night with family daughters boyfriend is here. I ended up sitting by him and he had to talk to me. Not much was said.

This morning he acts like everything is great. I'm praying for god to reveal himself and for us to talk .

We will see

Monday fasted and prayed all day prayed for us and that he wouldnt go work and would talk he didn't go but no communication.. Yesterday no work and it's almost like he did nothing wrong...

I have been accused of part of the reason he has problems with god . I believe that is something u can't blame on others.

I have been accused of our finianical ruin but he played a big part on that.

I have been accused of pushing him away he wasn't there half of the time

I have been accused of loving our children. More than him but that door swings both ways.

How did we get to this point ? His lack of belief in gods power. The distance , being roomates and thats it.
I know these are random thought but I just need to put down what I'm feeling .....

I almost feel as if there has been a death. After our conversation Sunday and they way he talked tone and the way he responded I feel so sad and almost as if there is no hope.. I know this isn't what god wants our relationship and how can we have any spiritual relationship .if I regard iniquity in my heart the lord will not hear me.

I am very sad

Life continued

Today is a new day though nothing has changed. Took him to get car... Silence ... Came home he is working on stuff I am cleaning... Silence... Will this end?

Safeness

I have cried all day. I feel sad . I feel no hope ... I can't talk to him I have no relationship . I'm going to fast and pray. I pray our hearts are turned towards each other, and our relationship is restored. Please lord show your power to him tomorrow... Make yourself real and known. I watch in anticipation ... Give me hope

The weekend

I picked him up after driving home. The day was good. He actually seemed happy to see me. Out to lunch shopping everything seemed good. Church today message on sinasism On way home I stated that was the way he was. I gave example of yesterday praying for parking place he said basically that's stupid those kind of prayers are dumb cause there is always a parking place you just look. He said the reason he is like that is partly due to the fact that early on I made finical mistakes bc I prayed and presumed upon god...and he was upset... Raising his voice at me.... Then shut down .. Every time we talk about anything other than surface it alway ends up being my fault I feel no hope again... God will u please show him you are interested in the small areas of our life today!some how some way I don't know how but I'm asking . I think I'm not trying anymore to have deep conversation. It doesn't work. That need will have to be met by someone else . I still want to confront on the work thing but another day.

The preacher said cynical people remove god and it's me me me that's what I heard today I work hard I fix things I see what's coming I I I ... Himmmmmm

Request
Show him who you are life in the little things
Big things in life

Reveal !!!!!

Continued

He has been out of town all week. The woman he works with went on the trip as well as 2 others. He is driving home .. Told me he would call me when he left ... Supposedly he is driving home with a co worker... Hasnt called... Nothing ... Hehas hurt me again... What if tables were turned? Thanks for never considering my feelings... He knows my fears but doesn't Care ... That's what is communicated . I'm confronting this weekend ...I'm so tired of the same thing over and over !!!

You dont call me all day i call to tell u were celebrating a friends birthday yiu show up and act like nothing us wrong. No apology no nothing. We don't talk much you leave this morning don't even say bye.. I want so bad to meet someone to make you jealous I want you to fight for me but you act like I'm just a bother someone you woukd rather not even have around .

You call and tell me you are coming home at 6 I hear nothing I call at 10 ur still at work u come home at 1am ur daughter is visiting u have spent little time with her. U communicate loud and clear she isn't important I'm not important . I'm sick of this. I'm angry I'm hurt . Keep it up and one day i won't care it will be too late.